Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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