I am spending my child support on dildos
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
