Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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