Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
