Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
