matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
