Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
