And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
True strength comes from lack of pants
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
