fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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