I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
