i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize