So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
