now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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