oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
