I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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