he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
