Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
