hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
