I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
