Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
