Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.

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(972): View more from Texas

The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?

Fav 15 924 3576
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

we should wear snuggies to the strip club

Fav 17 6754 1296
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(678): View more from Georgia

You can't date a girl from every country.

(770): View more from Georgia

I'm the captain planet of women

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(314): View more from Missouri

96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.

Fav 10 4672 943
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(205): View more from Alabama

Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.

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(319): View more from Iowa

I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?

(1+44): View more from

I was hoping you could tell me..

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