Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
