I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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