My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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