i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
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