i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
