Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
