He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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