Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
