This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
