so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
