he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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