she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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