I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
