I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
