I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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