so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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