I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize