I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
