I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize
