I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
