Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
