Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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