How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
