And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
