Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
