You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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