Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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