an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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