Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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