sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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