I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
