check it out our google latitudes are spooning
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
