from now on my penis is your penis
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
two words: eviction party
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The adults are the big ones right?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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