its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
