I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
