Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
