I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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