just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
