A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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