cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
