wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We don't watch enough power rangers
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
