Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
