Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
