Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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