pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
