that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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