even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We were destined to go to rehab together
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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